At the same time, I wonder if there's a point where I help and then they disappear and only appear when they need something. As one who went this route for a long time, I only have one thing to say - DON'T GO THERE. It doesn't work anymore. I'm sick and tied of people. Holding our tongues doesn't always help because we just can't hide how we feel.
I feel hurt and rejected. One of the saddest things for me is to realize when a friendship has deteriorated so much that all of our conversations are empty. It's one thing to acknowledge that it's over and stop calling each other, but an entirely different ballgame when we continue the appearance that all is fine but we both know it's not. I understand how the presumptuous it sounds to say that I can 'fix'/enhance someone's life a bit. I understand that people have different past. Different personalities. Different priorities. Different paths. I understand that something that looks one way from the outside may be completely different from the inside. I get all that.
Unfortunately, this constant disappointment with people makes me wanna withdraw even more. The last one is my least favorite one. It's the one where something happens. Whether it's big or small. It makes you questions the friendship- that leaves you with sour taste in your mouth. It might be a squabbling that should have never gotten out of hand or a true betrayal that hurts deep down. Either way, there's no going back. To admit that sometimes things just fall apart for no reason and when people don't stop to recognize or address it, it gets to a point where there's no turning back. Where you wonder what held it together to begin with. Where you can't remember the beginning, only this very sad ending.
